It’s hard loving an alcoholic… not hard to love one, just hard to love one so much and see them suffer and know that you cannot do anything to help them!
I love my husband- he’s a WONDERFUL man! He just has a disease that flairs up once in a while. For my dear husband (DH) that day came in April of 2008 after an amazing nine and a half year run of sobriety.
When we first met, and even when we were first married I thought he was the Strongest Man in the World – Conquer of Addiction! I never thought he would have a relapse, or at least not until we had kids and they drove him to drink!
Well it happened, and contrary to the drama a Lifetime movie might bring up in your head, it was quiet, subtle, and I didn’t really know it was going on, at least I couldn’t be sure.
DH does not come home drunk at all hours, I do not have to wait by the phone to hear if he’s in jail or the hospital, he had never raised a hand or his voice at me while drunk, it’s not a public embarrassment at weddings or family get-togethers.
He’s a quiet man, and his nearly ten years of sobriety was a huge HUGE point of pride for him. Only our closest family members and a few of my friends know about his relapse. We still hold his anniversary of sobriety date as a special occasion, but we haven’t celebrated like we use to.
A very hard obstacle in my life is letting go… It’s his addiction and his responsibility to seek help. Of course I am here to support and help where I can, but I can’t make him do any part of it. I’ve been reading books about codependency and I have attended a few Al Anon meetings but have not gone regularly. I wrestle with the right/wrong side of my actions- is it right to ask how he’s doing, is it wrong to want to know when his last drink was- and if so… why?
I never feel like I can openly share my fears and concerns with him- it upsets him when I ask or talk about it. It’s a catch-22… Be the supporting yet detached wife, but some how not require loving support in return. How can we help each other through it all if we can’t even talk about it or face it together- why does it have to be his own battle, when I’m smack-dab in the middle of the battlefield?
These are just some of the questions I seek to resolve. Perhaps through my reading and meetings that I make my way to, a little help from above, and some luck we’ll overcome this disease and put it in it’s place!