Tag Archives: IUI #3.2

Scare Tactics

As happy as I am to be at this point, my joy is overshadowed by the looming thought that it could all go away at any minute.

Anytime my boobs stop hurting, any twinge of my uterus, and the constant lack of morning sickness makes me worry. I’ve been very worried for the past 12 hours or so. For the last two/three days I’ve been able to brush my teeth and clear my through without gagging… not that I want that feeling of an impending up-chuck, but it is comforting in a way. When it’s gone my mind can’t help but wonder why today all of a sudden I can stomach that?

Then last night I notice that my boobs aren’t as sore when I took off my bra, and then I look down and gasp my right boob is smaller than the left one now… it just doesn’t seem as full as it did a couple days ago- both boobs seem deflated today. So then my mind wonders, I can accept pain coming and going, but fullness and size? Match that with my lack of my morning gag routine and you have one worried lady!

I tell DH this last night and I was restless all night, praying constantly that God doesn’t take this one away from me too. Didn’t sleep well, can’t concentrate on work etc. etc. etc.

Then this morning I ask DH if he has a good feeling about all this, and he says Yes. I ask if he’s sure or if he’s just saying that and he says Yes again, and tells me that he actually had a bad feeling about our first pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage. What an odd comfort, but it was comforting to me to hear that his premonition has a positive outlook for Cletus the Fetus and Us! I have long thought that fathers have some sort of magical connection in some way – like when my friends husband knew she was pregnant before she knew- strange little feelings like that. So I feel better this morning after hugging it out with DH- thank God for his good feelings to make me feel better!

I have a feeling it’s going to be a wild up and down rollercoaster for the next 16.5 weeks. My friend and I had lunch yesterday- she’s 24 weeks and informed me that her OB told her that if anything happened before 24 weeks they couldn’t do anything to help- that’s reassuring for this lady who just wanted to get through 12 weeks- geesh!

I work in medical imaging, but don’t do ultrasound… man I wish I would have went down that road now!  Imaging your self or anyone else without a doctors order is not allowed, but man what I would give to see a heartbeat and have that reassurance! It would just be too tempting not to!  So I resign myself to faith, let it all go to God for now. I just have to work on letting it stay with God- it’s just hard to do when all you’ve known is disappointment and loss to think that it will be different this time! … Let God take it from me and wait to hear a heartbeat with a stethoscope which isn’t illegal! 🙂

Hope you have a Happy Hump Day!

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Filed under Miscarriage, Pregnancy

Introducing Cletus the Fetus

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Hello all,

We had our appointment with our RE yesterday, and we got to see exactly what’s going on in there.

We have one good looking little fetus ( or embryo still? Not for sure when that technically changes, but what would rhyme with embryo as well as Cletus? Ha ha ).  Good heartbeat, good position… All is well!

Update: By the way Cletus the Fetus is measuring 7mm and is right on track with our expected due date.  And on a pretty private and personal, but super exciting note for this chest-less and mis-proportioned lady … my right boob had not only caught up with her slightly larger, yet still unimpressive neighbor to the left – and has surpassed the lady of left. Ol’ righty can now claim the Biggest Breast title!

Have a good weekend, I will be working my last night shift tomorrow night. Turning in my resignation at the hospital this after noon for my PRN job. Still got to get my paper done – argggghhh!

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Filed under Pregnancy

Deep Breath

Hello-

This week has not been all sunshine and rainbows for me. I’m struggling to get anything done on my final paper for grad school- I’m so mad at myself, and I know (my sister keeps telling me, DH keeps reminding me) that I just need to take a deep breath, relax, clear my head and move forward.  I have some axiety issues with this paper- I keep dwelling on my failures and I let it and every other bad thought fill my brain and overwhelm myself into despair and I start the cycle all over again… getting mad at myself for not getting anything done.

So in true me fashion I made a paper chain – enough for one ring per topic I need to cover in the rest of the paper, and each ring has a positive saying on it to keep me going.    🙂    Hopefully it works.  I’m feeling a bit better today, however I only got one topic completed (so far).

I’ve caught a cold that started on Sunday with a runny nose, that moved to my entire head on Monday, and now is in my chest today. I need my rest- I just stayed up too late this weekend and it did me in. I’m not looking forward to working this weekend at the hospital – on Friday I’m there from 3pm to 11pm, and on Saturday night/Sunday morning from midnight to 8am. Ughhh…. I’m putting in my two weeks notice once I get confirmation that my beta count has progressed normally.

Which brings my to my main concern (second concern behind the paper perhaps… nah, it’s my main concern)- I just keep waiting to start spotting/bleeding like last time. Each and every time I use the restroom (which is quite often, I’m drinking so much water at work!) my heart skips a beat with every successful outcome of no spotting!  I still keep waiting for it though, like it’s just around the corner- I read far much into every twinge and every absence of a twinge as a bad sign. I wish I could be more positive…

DH and I were talking this evening when he got back from group therapy (all is going sooooo well there, can’t thank God enough there!), and I figured up how many days of happy pregnancy I had last time with Aaron – 11 days until I started spotting from the time I had my first positive pregnancy test. Today its has been … well crap, it’s only been 9.

Well, I was going to write how much relief I felt thinking that I had surpassed my last pregnancy by two days without spotting, but I guess I was wrong… it’s only been nine days, but at least this time my boobs hurt!

So tomorrow I go and get another beta, just one to see how it’s all progressing- I’m hoping for anything over 3,500. A week ago my number was 712, and once the hCG count gets in the higher numbers it can take up to 96 hours to double so that’s what I’m going for. I figure shoot for low so I can be realistic, or happier when it’s higher I guess?  Here’s my math:

6/22 – 712

48 hours later – 6/24 ~1400 (once in the higher numbers taking up to 96 hours to double)

96 hours later – 6/28 ~ 2800

24 hours later – 6/29 ~ ?????? Hopefully above 3500

I’ll keep you all posted. Thanks for stopping by!

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Filed under Alcoholism, Grad School, Infertility, Miscarriage, Pregnancy

Relief

First of all a big THANKS Lauri and Kelly – your support, thoughts, and prayers are awesome!

I got the results of my second beta back- drum roll please………………. 712!

So we went from 278 on Monday to 712 on Wednesday – more than doubled in 48 hours- Praise the Lord!

I had them order a progesterone test as well, just to ease my worried mind that I might have a possible luteal phase defect, and it was a good 35.3.

Feeling much better- closer to God in fact, I’ve been praying a lot and using specific prayers I’ve pulled off of the demi-god Google that have really helped me relax. Feel so much better having a set, poetic, focused prayer rather than just my cries for help, why me’s, and ramblings.

DH was super sweet this morning- it’s a shame one has to be newly pregnant to get him in a much better mood in the morning. He has horrible allergies and is always (and I mean always, as in each and every day) heavily congested in the a.m. As you can see in the image below- this is why, his ethmoid sinuses are nearly completely congested!

DH's cornal sinus image Trouble Breathing?  Such a handsome lad!

So now I’m off to write a paper- my goal is to have my my 1st draft to my teacher on Monday… now that I have this under my belt I feel so much better, and hopefully I can concentrate, focus, and put out some great work!

Thanks for visiting- our next step is to have another beta next Wednesday, and then our first ultrasound on 7/6! Can’t wait to see that little heart beat… well at least I think by then it should be there by then… and I hope it is there! Not out of the woods yet, but at least these woods seem quite friendlier than the scary, unforgiving woods of a miscarriage.

Love to all!

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Filed under Grad School, Happiness, Pregnancy

Beta #1

First hurdle has been… well hurdled!

My first Beta count that was drawn this morning was at 278.  Of course, that doesn’t mean much until we see what it goes to on Wednesday (should double about every 48 hours), it just means that I am indeed pregnant.

I’m pretty happy with this level. From my first pregnancy with Aaron, which sadly ended as a blighted ovum, my first Beta count took place on Week 6 and 1 day and was only 1,957.  If all goes well and I were to have a steady Beta rise and were to have another lab drawn on July 2 (Week 6 day 1 of this pregnancy) my number should be at 8,896. So you can see that Aaron just didn’t have a chance, just wasn’t where he/she should have been on the hCG scale.

So here’s to eating healthy, staying active, saying lots of prayers, and hoping to reach my Beta goal of 556 on Wednesday!

Have a great day~

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The Results Are In…

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So today my sister and brother-in-law were at the house all day, and DH was working until 4:00. Didn’t get more than 3 hours of sleep so still pretty tired and couldn’t wait for my sister and her husband to leave, and DH to get home so we could test.

So around 4:15pm this afternoon the house was cleared out and we got our answer. I hadn’t told DH about the breast tenderness or anything until we were testing, just didn’t want to get our hopes up. I had two HPTs to use – both were Clear Blue Easy’s, I had a digital one and a regular blue line one to see how dark the line was.

Think I’m stalling a bit? Keeping you in suspense?

Well here I am below… Barefoot and Pregnant!

It’s a beautiful day, I got to wish DH a Happy Fathers Day, and I got to thank my Heavenly Father for some wonderful news.

Thanks for your visits and comments. I wish you all the best in your journey if you’re a fellow IFer.  I’m so glad I have a place to share my feelings, fears, tears, and moments such as these- you are the first to know, and will be the first/only ones to know for the next 8 weeks or so. If you’re a fellow IFer and are strong enough to stick around (I wasn’t, so not one hard feeling here) I’ll keep you abreast to our appointments etc.

Happy Fathers Day to the great men in our lives, and may we all get to celebrate our special days in the near future!

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Filed under Happiness, Infertility, Pregnancy

Yup, its 2:15am

I am so concerned, worried, excited about tomorrow I cannot sleep.

I must confess that I’ve been feeling some breast pain, upset stomach, and have been pretty tired.  I also jump at any pain, cramp, twinge in the general area of the uterus.

But I’ve also been so worried that it could be causing the upset stomach, I worked over night last night and generally get pretty tired around my period, and I have also had a twinge of breast pain before and not been pregnant- perhaps its the Femera? and the cramps could only mean one thing…. A red carpet roll out for Aunt Flow (there are sooooooo many things wrong with that last statement, but give a girl a break… I’ve had about 5 hours of sleep in the last 36 almost 48 hours)

I keep telling myself that my period will come tomorrow.

Perhaps it will, and I’m reading far too much into all these peculiar symptoms. Like a hysterical pregnancy…

Or perhaps it will be positive tomorrow…

We shall see, for now I hope to sleep, thanks for being here with me during this time. Love to all!

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Filed under Infertility