Beta #1

First hurdle has been… well hurdled!

My first Beta count that was drawn this morning was at 278.  Of course, that doesn’t mean much until we see what it goes to on Wednesday (should double about every 48 hours), it just means that I am indeed pregnant.

I’m pretty happy with this level. From my first pregnancy with Aaron, which sadly ended as a blighted ovum, my first Beta count took place on Week 6 and 1 day and was only 1,957.  If all goes well and I were to have a steady Beta rise and were to have another lab drawn on July 2 (Week 6 day 1 of this pregnancy) my number should be at 8,896. So you can see that Aaron just didn’t have a chance, just wasn’t where he/she should have been on the hCG scale.

So here’s to eating healthy, staying active, saying lots of prayers, and hoping to reach my Beta goal of 556 on Wednesday!

Have a great day~

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under Miscarriage, Pregnancy

The Results Are In…

image

So today my sister and brother-in-law were at the house all day, and DH was working until 4:00. Didn’t get more than 3 hours of sleep so still pretty tired and couldn’t wait for my sister and her husband to leave, and DH to get home so we could test.

So around 4:15pm this afternoon the house was cleared out and we got our answer. I hadn’t told DH about the breast tenderness or anything until we were testing, just didn’t want to get our hopes up. I had two HPTs to use – both were Clear Blue Easy’s, I had a digital one and a regular blue line one to see how dark the line was.

Think I’m stalling a bit? Keeping you in suspense?

Well here I am below… Barefoot and Pregnant!

It’s a beautiful day, I got to wish DH a Happy Fathers Day, and I got to thank my Heavenly Father for some wonderful news.

Thanks for your visits and comments. I wish you all the best in your journey if you’re a fellow IFer.  I’m so glad I have a place to share my feelings, fears, tears, and moments such as these- you are the first to know, and will be the first/only ones to know for the next 8 weeks or so. If you’re a fellow IFer and are strong enough to stick around (I wasn’t, so not one hard feeling here) I’ll keep you abreast to our appointments etc.

Happy Fathers Day to the great men in our lives, and may we all get to celebrate our special days in the near future!

2 Comments

Filed under Happiness, Infertility, Pregnancy

Yup, its 2:15am

I am so concerned, worried, excited about tomorrow I cannot sleep.

I must confess that I’ve been feeling some breast pain, upset stomach, and have been pretty tired.  I also jump at any pain, cramp, twinge in the general area of the uterus.

But I’ve also been so worried that it could be causing the upset stomach, I worked over night last night and generally get pretty tired around my period, and I have also had a twinge of breast pain before and not been pregnant- perhaps its the Femera? and the cramps could only mean one thing…. A red carpet roll out for Aunt Flow (there are sooooooo many things wrong with that last statement, but give a girl a break… I’ve had about 5 hours of sleep in the last 36 almost 48 hours)

I keep telling myself that my period will come tomorrow.

Perhaps it will, and I’m reading far too much into all these peculiar symptoms. Like a hysterical pregnancy…

Or perhaps it will be positive tomorrow…

We shall see, for now I hope to sleep, thanks for being here with me during this time. Love to all!

2 Comments

Filed under Infertility

CD #29… Still waiting

Well, nothing happened in terms of AF yesterday. Still have two more days to go. I’m just waiting for the hammer to drop and AF to show her unwanted face.

I’m so cautiously holding out for disappointment that I watched some more videos on foster adoption yesterday. This actually helped quite a bit, helps me focus on a positive future regardless of what happens!

I so need to work on my grad school paper. Got to get it in by Monday! Wish me luck, and send me some focus energy this weekend!

Have a good one, maybe DH will have a great Father’s Day, maybe not!

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Having Patience is Testing my Patience!

I have no idea if IUI #3.2 was a success or not.  No early signs of pregnancy, no sign of Aunt Flo either… Today is CD #27… 3 more days to go and I’ll have my answer.

I don’t want to hate on the IF blogging community, fertility books, friends, etc… but it seems like everyone else who has achieved a pregnancy knew they were pregnant because of some early pregnancy signs. It doesn’t leave me with much hope, although my fortune cookie told me that “Opportunity awaits you on next Tuesday” so perhaps it will be a good outcome?!

And yes, I know, not all women experience the same symptoms – some have very few, and they can differ between pregnancies too, but it would be so much more reassuring if my boobs hurt or something. That’s all I’m asking for, a little or a lot of breast pain, nausea, frequent urination… anything but another period!

And on other thought- along the lines of the vague fortune cookie.  It’s very corny, but take what you can get I guess, I think I’m making it all up in my head any ways – I keep hearing/seeing “signs” of a possible good outcome. I sure don’t feel like it’s possible this month, and I try to keep a balance of hope and optimism to my pessimism and well… reality.  I feel like I’m teetering on a ledge and my emotions fly across the spectrum of happy to depressed, hope to despair, etc. in 0.5 seconds. Just want the wait to end – I hate the 2WW!

1 Comment

Filed under Infertility

Work Day Blues

Hello reader,

Today is a sad day here at work. My office neighbor had her last day today, her contract was not renewed. So today we had a lunch and pulled together some money for a gift card. There are 8 (well 7 now) people who work in my office…. 4 came to the lunch.

I like to live in my own naive world where everyone is good natures, and does nice things, the right things, when they should. Today after I put my message in the card and took it to the other faculty members, she said she wasn’t going to be contributing to the gift. I was so shocked, I didn’t have time to process it and put my confused why you being such a bitch look on my face, so I just said, “Oh! Ok, perhaps you should check with the secretary about signing the card then.”

This afternoon I just feel sick… there were two faculty members who did not sign the card, participate in the lunch, put together some cash to go towards the gift card, or even say goodbye. I can see why our supervisor wouldn’t attend or sign a card, but come on- these other two ladies didn’t have anything to do with supervising my lost neighbor. We are a small department, and this act was just cold, callus, and unbecoming. They just turned their back and clearly drew the line in the sand between the department.

I still want to ‘like’ these ladies- one is even a fellow IFer who I just recently started talking to about our IF struggles… man, what a wake up call- well not really, but it just sucks when people don’t do what is right and you can’t look at them in the same light.

So that’s my sad Monday story. It sucks. I want a new job…

… and now I just got a text from my former neighbor- one lady wrote and email, and one caught her in the hall today. Doesn’t make it right, but at least I get to partially re-enter my dream land of rainbows and butterflies, Aangels and marshmallows where everyone is truly good on the inside.

6 more days until I get to test if I still wish… don’t know, don’t feel any different, wish it was next week already!

Hope your Monday is better than this…

-SeekingShirley

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

I hate the 2WW!

Ugghhh…  This sucks so much!

Why couldn’t they just inject a fertilized egg into the uterine wall to create instant implantation yet?!  Not that we went the IVF route yet, we’re still on IUI- this is our third official IUI – I call it IUI 3.2 since our first 3rd attempt was canceled for too many follicles, and this time we used Femera to increase the number of follicles (but hopefully not over stimulating and having to cancel this cycle again) and Ovidrel to induce ovulation. We went down for a mid-cycle US on cycle day 12 and were told to do the injection on cycle day 14. We then went back to the clinic for the insemination on cycle day 16, which seemed late to me, but I guess they know what they are doing much more than I do. We had a hard time getting the catheter into my cervix- that’s a fun sentence to write!  DH almost passed out, and luckily it wasn’t from seeing my eyes water as the speculum was opened, closed, twisted, turned, pinched my leg, went up, went down- I have never been so molested by that metallic, duck-looking object before in all these years! With all that fun, the nurse got her in there, and boy did I have cramps then for a bit.  I hope this is all a good sign- it’s the 3rd time- 3rd times a charm, 3 is a magic number (a man and a woman, had a little baby… there were 3 in the family… that’s a magic number!- Thanks School House Rock!).  All of the other IUIs went just fine, but ended in more BFN- maybe this is a good omen, a poor start to a happy ending!  Let’s hope and pray!

I keep bouncing back and forth between cautious optimism and down right pessimism- that’s what 3 years of monthly failures will do to a gal!

I decided a couple of days ago that I have every right to be down, sad, pessimistic, negative, and refuse to exuding hope like a feel-good, nauseating Disney cartoon princess!  I’ve been doing this for three years, if I didn’t have hope, inner strength, fortitude, trust in God, etc. I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago- SO GET OFF OF MY BACK FERTILE MYRTILES!!!

I also had a ground breaking bit of positivity and allowed my self to believe fully in God, and the universe, and storks, and baby dust fairies that I WILL have a baby… but I still caution myself that it may not be this cycle. You can’t let your heart play out on the highway and not expect it to get flattened by a semi after history has taught you to expect it time after time after time!

So that’s my beef, by soap box, by rousing speech for you today- stand up for your right to have a pity part – every day if you need it- you’re a Strong Shirley- whether you are facing infertility, adoption, miscarriage, loss of a loved one, alcoholism, or loving an alcoholic then you know what it means to pick yourself up, dust off your britches and face it head on again, and again and again, and damn it you deserve a little pat on those britches for a job well done!

Leave a comment

Filed under Infertility