Who is Shirley, and why am I trying to find her?

Everybody knows… well, I hope everyone knows the iconic line from the movie Airplane – “Surely you can’t be serious?!”… “I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.”

Well, I have serious issues, and I’m working through them in a public, yet anonymously private way- through you and this blog.

In a nutshell –

  1. I lost one of my best friends in February of 2010. She had melanoma, was 26 years old, and was so brave, strong, and kept a positive outlook all the way till the end. I miss her dearly, and want to be more like her everyday. She’s also part of the reason why I have no problem telling people repeatedly to wear their sunscreen… regardless if they want to hear it or not!
  2. My husband is an alcoholic. Not the wife-beating, bar-hopping, low-life’s that you might be picturing (but those people need love and help too). My husband is quiet, responsible, good at hiding things from me, a highly functioning alcoholic who’s taken steps towards recovery… but I just can’t shake the feelings of suspicion and helplessness when it comes to life and love with an alcoholic.
  3. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for more than 2.5 years now (about the same time he’s been in his relapse, ironically). Infertility is a tough road, full of stigmas, pain, resentment, tears, and fears. It’s the only thing I worry about more than my husband.
  4. I’m a grad school student, trying to finish up my final research paper. I’m an avid procrastinator and have worked more on this blog than my paper… hence number 5.
  5. I’m a procrastinator, I avoid work and progress like the plague – yet I realize that taking small steps towards accomplishing tasks would make me so much happier. Happiness lies in action as I always say (but rarely follow).

There are others, but my big issues are the top three. Coincidently, my friend was the only one who I told about my difficulties with my husband and our problems trying to start our family. Now that she is removed from my life the other two seem overwhelming, especially when my other issues beat me down. I start to wonder if I am the only newly wed, grad student, safe-sun advocate, fertility-crazed woman who loves an alcoholic…

Surely I am not the only one, surely I am not alone… Are you out there Shirley?


5 responses to “Who is Shirley, and why am I trying to find her?

  1. Hi. I’m Shirley.
    1. I’m sorry about the loss of your friend and I know that’s difficult. I have lost too…4 pregnancies and a father-in-law.
    2. My father was an alcoholic. I know that’s also difficult. It has a terible power over people. But I also saw him recover after 40+ years. So I know there is hope for your husband.
    3. My husband and I have been TTC for almost 2.5 years. Infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss just suck. But there are silver linings. There is hope in every heartache, cheesy as it sounds. We’re contendly moving onto adoption.
    4. I work from noon to 5 for our family business. My vice is sleeping in. My excuse was this pregnancy and its hormones but I don’t have that excuse anymore.
    5. I’m a huge procrastinator too. In college, I failed to complete a semester-long research paper amounting to a whopping 11.5 credits incompleted. Somehow, I still graduated.

    I think you may have found your Shirley.

  2. Pingback: Got My Big-Girl Pants On! « Seeking Shirley

  3. lparsons15

    I am so sorry you lost your friend…that is devastating.
    I can’t imagine how difficult it must be living with an alcholic and thank you so much for sharing this…Alcoholism is all too familiar to me too…I very much appreciate you sharing this.

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