It’s been quite a while since my last post. It’s been almost a month since I had my D&C. Things are going pretty well, still have (and I believe I always will in some way) bad moments when the reminder of my miscarriage is a little too much.
For instance- I went to Wal-Mart today and thought about how it was only about the second time since I had my miscarriage that I had been in Wal-Mart. Funny how a store with nearly everything one would need on a daily basis is a big reminder of the few days that I was happily pregnant- walking down the isles looking forward to the days when I would truly belong in the baby section.
But back to my absence- I have some good news… I’ve been working on my grad school research paper! It’s much like a thesis, this is my exit file paper, the big one, the one that will set me free… the one I’ve been putting off for 18 months now!
I’ve read over sixty articles to get here and now I’m desperately (and yet not so desperately) writing so I can turn it in and be done with it!
It all started about 12 days ago when I had had enough! I took a “sick” day and came up with a plan to finish this chapter in my life. I even went so far as to make a paper chain with messages to myself to keep me motivated and going. And I was doing good I tell you- these past two weeks have been pretty good in terms of productivity and positive self-feelings. Yet, after doing some double checking I realized that the final paper has to be in a whole week before I was planning on. This means that not only am I too late by regular standards, but I am pretty much 99% sure that even if I do produce a really good paper to my adviser I will still not graduate this semester.
Needless to say, my drive came to a screeching halt this weekend, and so I’m trying to pick up the pieces. I will not stop again and wait until next semester, I WILL GET THIS PAPER DONE… just maybe not in time to graduate this fall, and I’m ok with that.
So with that, I am off again to write some more. It is soooo much easier to write here than on that paper- if only it were so easy!
My new motto today: “Don’t let anything distract you from winning” – Sue Sylvester, Glee.