Hello World- I am “MyOwnShirley” and this is my public yet private journal to help me deal with the many issues is my life – it’s cheaper than therapy, right?
Why the anonymity you ask? To protect the innocent (my husband, family, and friends), and to allow me to share my emotions and experiences freely without fear of being outed.
As the first post, I figured we should lay out some background information for you…Here are my issues:
- I lost one of my best friends to melanoma in February of 2010 after a ‘one step forward, two steps back’ battle over two and half years. She was an amazing woman who has given me so much learn from. I strive to adopt her greatest characteristics and attitudes as my own through this blog.
- My husband – let’s call him John- is an alcoholic. Shortly before we were to celebrate his 10th anniversary of sobriety he had a relapse. Naively I thought this one indecent was it, and I dismissed my suspicions. Come to find out around Thanksgiving of 2009 he’s been drinking for two years of our three year marriage. I love him and would do anything to help him regain his sobriety and pride and happiness, but through my own healing process I understand that I too have no control over alcoholism and can only offer my continued love, support, and understanding… and many, many prayers.
- Infertility. It’s the life-draining battle that probably most controls my thoughts, dreams, fears, and emotions. We’ve been trying to start our family for a little over two years now- I know, it’s not the longest anyone has ever tried, but to each person their personal battle with infertility is their own hell-like war. I am not the same happy, optimistic person I was two years ago, and I want her back badly.
- Pregnancy and Miscarriage. This is the newest issue to surface in my life. On September 1, 2010 I had my first positive pregnancy test – completely without medical intervention we were able to conceive a child- Hallelujah! I had hope and joy back into my life- the sky was brighter, my job was more than tolerable, my fears were more real. Ten days later I started spotting – you know the kind, and yesterday (9/13/2010) a blood test began confirmation that my greatest fear of loosing my baby was becoming real. I have a follow up blood draw tomorrow to confirm it, I have no hope for a happy outcome and have begun my healing process, but how do you say goodbye?
- The background issue in my life that is mine and mine alone, is my inability to match my behavior to my morals, ethics, and goals. Talk about a good example- I’m at work right now… and I’m starting my personal blog instead of working. I need to work on these, obviously- Integrity, Discipline, and Focus.
So this has been an overview of my issues, now you know where I’m coming from. Surely I am not alone… Surely someone else out there is affected by alcoholism, cancer, loss, infertility, and lacks self-discipline all at the same time.
Of the many things listed here the only one I can control is my actions and attitude.So while I wait for Shirley to find this, I’ll advocate to be my own Shirley and work one day at a time towards my ultimate goal of peace and happiness.
Best wishes in your own journey!